When EWM’s “Corporate Family” gathered in the Gables conference room to talk about the move to our new Alhambra Office, one of the items on the agenda was our dress code. I didn’t even know we had one. Ron handed out a sheet of paper specifying what we can and can’t wear. First I panicked. Then I lost the sheet. Honestly — I looked all over and I still can’t find it. So I decided to search online for some ideas about what might be appropriate attire after the move. More than one site suggested looking at what those in high positions in the company wear and copying them. Specifically, they mentioned:
1. Shoes. They should be closed toe, no stiletto heels, never a bright color. Beth’s going to have some work to do with this one. The other day she wore a great pair of sandals — conservative heel, nothing too showy. Only problem was one shoe was brown and the other was blue. Think she was making a fashion statement?
2. Pantyhose. We’re supposed to wear it. I’ve never seen Ron in pantyhose and he’s about as high up as you get at EWM so I don’t know what they’re talking about. No pantyhose.
3. Wear a Conservative Watch. Does that mean my Tweety Bird watch is inappropriate? It’s not like I’ve got tons of Looney Tunes paraphernalia or anything, but does that also rule out my Tweety Bird t-shirt, long sleeve Tweety Bird oxford, Tweety Bird shoe lace accessory and my Tweety Bird slippers? That’s rude!
4. No Holes. This was in reference to casual dress. What they said was we could wear pretty much anything we want on Casual Day as long as it’s clean and has no holes. I don’t understand this one at all. The jeans I’m wearing today have discrete holes around the knee area. My holes came all the way from Italy and I paid alot for them. I guess on Casual Day I’ll have to wear my unholy jeans. Boring, boring, boring.
5. Hairstyle. They say it should project a professional appearance: clean, neatly trimmed including sideburns, mustaches and beards. Is this only for the men?
6. Body Piercing. As far as I can tell, it’s okay for us to have different parts of our bodies pierced as long as no one can see it. Except for ears. And then we’re only allowed one hole per ear. Except if you’re a man. Then you can’t have anything pierced that shows including ears. Also, according to one site, “Tongue rings should not be visible.” So if you have a tongue ring, keep your mouth shut at all times.
7. The Mirror Check. There’s an exercise we’re supposed to do every day right before we leave the house. You’re all dressed, ready to go. Walk away from a full length mirror and then all of a sudden turn around and look at yourself. Quick — what’s the first thing is that catches your eye? Whatever it is, just take it off and walk out the door! Could be your earrings are too big or your tie’s too long or your pants are too bright. Uh-oh. I’m gonna have to get back to you on this one.
8. Belly Buttons. They should be kept private. To this end, we need to be sure the bottoms of our shirts are well acquainted with the tops of our pants. I wholeheartedly agree!
9. No Too – Too’s. Nothing too tight, nothing too loose and flowy; fabric shouldn’t be too flimsy, but it can’t be too stiff and scratchy either. Pin stripes are okay; thick stripes are too bold; horizontal stripes make us look too fat. I personally think my holy jeans keep me from looking too old, but obviously nobody cares about that.
10. Haute Couture. We must refrain from wearing any outfit that appears to have been designed for a Paris runway. Well, won’t Jean Paul be disappointed. Not only must I give up my holy jeans, but I can’t wear the dress he presented at Fashion Week either. Bummer!
Please let me know if you have any ideas of your own on this subject. I’m always open to suggestion.
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